Exploring fantasy and erotic role play can add an interesting new dimension to sex and intimacy. But before getting started, it’s important to have a serious conversation with your partner(s) about boundaries, expectations, and safe words.
Whether it’s the thought of your hot plumber or a naughty doctor turning you on, there are many ways to approach role play that don’t involve explicit detail.
1. Be honest
It’s important to be honest about what turns you on when you’re erotic roleplaying. Whether it’s a hot teacher you had in high school, your fantasy about being a vampire or Viking, or simply wishing your massage therapist would go a little farther, it’s all fair game when it comes to ERP. However, it’s best to start small and slow and only do what you can handle.
It also pays to discuss these things out of character (OOC) with the people you roleplay with. This will prevent any accidental or inadvertent situations that could cause real-life problems, especially if you play with minors.
Similarly, it’s best to make sure the people you’re roleplaying with are over the age of 18 if you’re playing a game that has sexually explicit content and is played primarily through text. This will prevent the kind of inappropriate behavior that often happens in online communities, such as players trying to sext each other.
Also be aware that a lot of MUDs have unencrypted connections, meaning anything you say or type in-game can potentially be read by someone else. This is a problem because it allows bad faith users to spy on other player’s private conversations without their consent and use them for sex and harassment. As a result, it’s best to be cautious and only play in games that provide encryption or are staffed by reputable professionals who know how to deal with issues of sex and harassment.
2. Be open
Everyone has sexual fantasies, but erotic role play can help people explore those fantasies in a safe and controlled environment. It can also be an exciting way to spice up a romantic relationship, especially if both partners are comfortable with it.
One of the biggest challenges is finding a way to communicate about what you want out of the experience. It may feel silly or awkward at first, but it is important to talk about it and find out what turns each other on — this will make the experience much more fun for everyone.
Another challenge is finding ways to make the role play experience truly private. Many MUDs use unencrypted connections between the server and your computer, so any text sent to or from the game can be logged. While this is not a problem for most players, it can become an issue for those who engage in erotic role play. There are many horror stories in the MUD community of staffers using their elevated privileges to snoop on erotic and intimate roles played by other players without their knowledge or consent.
For this reason, it is recommended to only ever participate in any kind of kinky role play with a partner(s) that you trust and are able to talk openly about expectations, boundaries, and safe words. It is also a good idea to discuss the scenario you are trying to simulate beforehand and agree on what actions each of you will and won’t consent to.
3. Be sexy
When it comes to erotic role play, there are tons of possibilities. Just think of all the sexual fantasies you have but don’t enact in real life – those can be reimagined and made even more explicit in the context of role play.
Whether you’re shy and into submission, or you want to be the dominant partner, there’s a role-play scenario that will suit you. As always, make sure to have a proper conversation with your partner(s) before getting into any kind of kinky roleplay so you can discuss expectations, boundaries, and safe words.
If you’re looking to add a bit of mystery to your erotic roleplay, consider dressing in costumes. It’s a great way to feel more exotic and otherworldly, and can also add a layer of titillation for your partner to chew on. Think about how much fun it was when you were a kid to dress up and pretend to be someone else.
Some people find it especially sexy to role play in situations that are taboo or forbidden, such as when one person is the sex slave of another. That’s an option that creates a sense of the dangerous and erotically charged and can be really exciting, says Kinkly. And it’s especially fun if you can create a scenario that simulates the feeling of being caught doing something wrong in real life.
4. Be honest again
Whether the erotic roleplay is kinky or not, being honest about what turns you on is a great way to build trust in other players and set up purposeful and pleasurable play. It’s also a good idea to communicate as frequently as possible — mind-reading isn’t a thing, and trying to play out secret desires can violate consent.
Communicating also establishes boundaries for the playscape and allows participants to co-create them if they wish. It’s important to continue communication, calibration, and checking in as the landscape changes. A good, quick, and unobtrusive way to check in is with a thumbs up/down or wavy hand mechanic, but any form of communication that is clear, consistent, and transparent is fine.
Every aspect of an erotic larp must be opt-in, and the participants’ consent is incremental. They can say no at any time and withdraw their consent if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Having the tools to do this must be included in the game design, taught to the participants, and practiced and honored by everyone involved. Likewise, post-play activities must be planned for and accounted for in the game’s runtime. This includes de-role, debriefing, and decompression techniques. This is especially important if the experience was a particularly intense or intimate one. It’s important that each participant feels supported in reintegrating into the real world after an erotic experience.