What is an Anal Probe?

Close-up of Dental Tools

Anal probing is a Dead Unicorn Trope. It involves invasively searching a person’s butthole.

During a traffic stop, Deming, New Mexico police officers pulled over David Eckert and probed his buttocks for drugs. They also forced him to undergo a colonoscopy and three enemas, and made him defecate in front of them. No drugs were found.

Ultrasound

An ultrasound is a medical test that uses sound waves to produce pictures of parts of your body. A health professional called a sonographer, or ultrasound technician, will hold a hand-held device that looks like a microphone over your skin. The device transmits high-frequency sound waves that reflect off your organs and body tissues. A computer then converts the reflected signals into real-time images on a screen. This helps your doctor see what’s happening inside your body.

The sound waves can’t hurt you, and the images are usually very clear. But you may feel some slight pressure as the sonographer moves the probe over your body. Some types of ultrasound, such as a transvaginal scan of the womb or pelvic area, require you to empty your bladder before the exam. The sonographer will give you instructions on how to prepare for this.

Sometimes, your doctor will use an ultrasound to guide injections or a procedure called a biopsy. For example, if your doctor is looking for a tumour in the womb or a polyp in your cervix, they might inject a solution with a special chemical (acetic acid) that causes abnormal cells to turn white on an ultrasound image. This makes it easier to find them and remove them for testing.

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Anoscopy

An anoscopy is a test that lets your doctor see inside your digestive tract from the outside. Your doctor slides a long, flexible tube with a light and camera on the end of it through an opening in your mouth or throat (such as your esophagus, stomach, or duodenum) or into a natural body opening like your anus or back passage (rectum). You may have to fast for 12 hours before the test. You might also need to take laxatives or an enema the night before to clear your colon. You will probably be given a sedative or an anesthetic during the procedure so you won’t feel any pain. You will need someone to drive you home afterward because you’ll be feeling drowsy.

Your doctor might use the end of the tube to take tissue samples from the lining of your esophagus, stomach, duodenum, or upper small intestine and put them in a lab to look for signs of disease. The test can find the cause of problems in these areas, such as trouble swallowing or heartburn, or it might help a doctor decide how to treat a cancer that has spread.

You might have an anal biopsy to check for anal cancer or other problems, such as polyps, that show up on imaging tests, such as CT scans or ultrasounds. Your provider might insert a swab coated with a chemical, such as acetic acid, through your anoscope into your anus to make abnormal cells look white.

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Biopsy

A biopsy is the removal of tissue from a body part to examine it for signs of disease. Biopsies may be used to diagnose cancer, determine if a person has an infection, or see if a lump or nodule is malignant. A biopsy is performed with a lubricated finger inserted into the anal canal or rectum area.

In the Destroy All Humans series of video games, an alien probe is a weapon that collects a sample from the rectum of a captured human. The probe, or probing device as it is sometimes called, can be equipped with upgrades that change how it works.

The first upgrade, the ‘Sniffer Sensors’, increases the time window for successful probing. Another upgrade, the ‘Centipedal Probulator’ chains probes to nearby targets when they burst out of the current subject. The final upgrade, the ‘Rectal Packager Supreme’ allows Crypto to deploy two probes at once.

The original anal probe in Destroy All Humans was a black gun that looked like a grenade launcher and required ammo to function. When shot at a Human, the probe would lock on and then instantly kill the target. A successful probe shot also collected a brainstem for Crypto. Using the anal probe to hypnotize a Majestic Agent or Soldier or PSI Mutant would also automatically collect their brainstems.

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Blood Tests

There are a number of blood tests that doctors can use to check on your health. These include measuring levels of hormones, proteins and other substances in your blood. It is also possible to test for specific infections such as syphilis and herpes. The results of most blood tests take a few days or even weeks to come back, depending on the type of test and how much of your blood was tested.

Your doctor will draw a small amount of blood from one of your veins, which can feel like a slight sting or prick. You may also have a small bruise where the needle went in, but this will fade over the next few days. The blood will then be put into a bottle and sent to a laboratory where it will be examined under a microscope or chemically tested, depending on the test.

A blood sample can also be taken from the anus (anal probing). This is done using a high-resolution anoscope with a swab that has been coated in acetic acid. The acetic acid turns abnormal cells white, making them easier to see. Your doctor can then look at the swab under a microscope to identify any problems. This is a quick and relatively painless procedure.